The Lady Eve

"The Lady Eve"

Sometimes the most desperate places are the most self-reflecting. I am not in what I would call a "happy place" in my life. I have not felt this hopeless in a long time. Yet the highlights of my day include the hug I received from an eleven-year-old girl I've been giving private art lessons and coming back to this blog and finding people are still looking at it, even though I haven't been writing in it.

I picked up the artwork you see above from a local exhibition today, and these exhibitions are almost carbon-copy experiences for me; the weirdest pieces almost always win. I like abstract, modern art myself and have even done some of my own, but when the winning piece is a black image with white specks, well . . . I just don't get it! Regardless of feeling unrecognized in the juried art world, I feel appreciated virtually anywhere else my art goes. I mean that. That's why I'm back on here; I know people are looking and I need to show my appreciation by offering something new to see.

This is a graphite drawing on 9x12 plastic. Yes, that sounds strange, but I found the plastic from the printing store where I teach art lessons; it has just enough fine texture to hold ink. When I was doing a new experience each week in 2009, I found some of that plastic rolled up in a garbage when I was closing the store, and thought, "This is too pretty to be in the garbage; I wonder if I could draw on this?" It had a sheen that reminded me of a movie screen.

I experimented that night and found the plastic took pencil very well. I did a few small drawings before starting this 9x12 piece, which I didn't finish until about a year and a half later.

I'll tell you the only thing harder than a portrait is two portraits, especially a man and a woman! The figures must not only be in correct proportion, but must also perfectly match each other, so one is not too big or too small. This picture is all freehand (meaning I didn't use a projector or any kind of tracing device) and it is based on a movie still from a 1941 film, "The Lady Eve." I found the picture in a Hallmark book called, "Perfect Pairs," by Hulton Getty. It has classic Hollywood couples in black and white movie stills. If you guessed this is Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda, you are right!

It might be well before my time, but I love the photo. In fact, all the better to love it; I could hardly resist the highlights in Barbara's sequined dress. I love how Henry Fonda looks like he doesn't know whether to stay or to go.

Surprisingly, Barbara Stanwyck's face was far more difficult to draw than Henry Fonda's! Being female, a woman's face is far easier to draw because it is more familiar. However, her face is at an angle where you can only see parts of her nose and mouth; in fact, if you look very carefully, there is just a hint of her left nostril beside the shadow of Henry Fonda's cheekbone. I didn't originally draw it because I didn't see it, but without it, her face seemed too flat.

I don't have a very favorite piece of my artwork, but this is definitely one of my favorites.

Even though the juror of the art show gave the award to the white specks, that is never the point of entering shows. Today was a hard day because I feel like I've been witness to far too much injustice lately. For a moment it made me wonder if all my efforts are for nothing. The only thing I know is I have never regretted NOT giving up. I could spend my whole life drawing portraits like these that hang in some hidden corner while white specks gets the blue ribbon, and I would never regret it.

After all, I have been blessed to even create works like this. I have a seven-year-old niece who wants to be an artist and a teacher when she grows up, which helps me to feel like I've been a good example.

I hope my work reflects an example of not giving up.

A Journey to My Horse

In my first posting, I talked about my journey from hating to loving acrylics. Exploring this medium has changed my life because I can do commissions that were once not possible for me. It is amazing how one simple ripple in our lives can lead to dramatic differences.

Today was the first day of Ogden's Farmer's Market. I was working all day and took a break to go to Grounds for Coffee. On my way there I ran into the father and sister of a guy I was involved with last year.

Because I was so upset over this person last summer, I felt like life was retreating from me. It seemed as if I was being left behind by something. But rather than succumb to the emotion, I decided I had to make some changes in order to invoke my own life force and let happiness flow back to me. Any thought that I wasn't good enough was pushed away and reconstructed to ask how I could make myself happier. This is one of the main reasons I grew to understand acrylics. I had a motivation to push myself, and found the challenge of a new medium one way towards feeling good about myself again.

This is a picture of the rose I drew which I decided I wasn't going to donate. I didn't want to part with something which worked out so unexpectedly.

Because I found a path which enabled growth rather than stumbling down the downward albeit familiar spiral, I was able to create a stronger self. This morning, rather than feel sad or overwhelmed by seeing people who are strongly connected to an emotional past, it actually felt good to see them. It gave me more energy than my coffee did. While I walked back to my work passing my painted horse, it only drove in the point that had I allowed myself to drown in the hurt of last year, I never would have been able to create "Ben Lomond Blue."

I had only sixteen days to actually paint the horse. Total painting time was 51 hours. Plus I spent a few days prior putting primer over and trying to sand the horse, which was another 10 hours, but the first to last stroke of paint occurred entirely over a period of two weeks and two days (finishing gleefully at two in the morning). I will tell you on behalf of all the artists who have painted one or more horses for Pioneer Days, it is not easy. You are standing for hours and often in odd positions, such as when painting under the head or stomach or sides of the legs.

For anyone here in Utah who hasn't seen these horses, I strongly recommend walking up and down downtown Ogden for some fun. There seem to be most of them up and down 25th Street. This is also a great time because of all the talented artists and vendors participating in the Farmer's Market. You really don't want to just sit at home all day on a beautiful Saturday morning anyway do you? We all need culture in our lives. You know you can always take a belly dancing class while you're at it (see my other blog) . . .

Overall painting this horse has been a great experience for me. I am so happy with the way it turned out and all the cheer leading I received from friends and family. There is so much work put into this celebration of Ogden; it is wonderful to be a part of it.

Ben Lomond Blue

I used to absolutely hate acrylic paint. It dried too fast, it was thick and sticky, it wasted itself on my palette--which was made for watercolors by the way, not acrylics. But it still held a promise to me despite my frustration. I'd notice artwork done in this medium that would speak to me despite my predispostion. I still felt like I didn't have what it took to paint quickly enough to work in acrylics.

Then last year Ogden Pioneer Days decided to commission artists to paint twenty-four life-size fiberglass horses and place them at various spots around the city. The horses could be painted in oils, but I think that would be a mistake for anyone. Oils have a very slow drying time and need at least six months to cure before using a final varnish. The horses would be clear coated with an automotive finish in a much shorter time period, which would leave oil paint suseptible to cracking in the future. For me acrylic paint was the only logical medium. But of course that means, I would have to paint in acrylics! But what to do if I "cant"?

People kept asking me if I was going to paint a horse, but I decided against even submitting a design to the selection committee because I knew I wasn't prepared to work in acrylics, let alone use them to paint a life size horse. I like to jump at a challenge but its important to be sure you're wearing you're parachute when you skydive; in other words, I wanted a challenge but I had to respect my limitations. I knew however, that the horses of July 2008 were only the first wave for in another year, there would be more horses and a second chance. There would also be more artists submitting designs and perhaps a smaller opportunity for me to be chosen, but a chance is a chance.

For the past year, I decided to study acrylic paint. There was one day in particular, a day I felt very sad because the person I was attached to was gone, and the sun was pouring over the velvety petals of roses in a downtown park. While I was struggling with my loss, I felt an urgency to get myself in a different mindset and had set out this late morning specifically to take photographs of the roses. They were in perfect bloom. I later used one of these references to create a painting for an art show at the Union Station in Ogden, another venture I took delibertately to get my mind off this person and onto brighter things. All artists included in this show would be donating a 5x7 painting. I thought it would be a good idea for me, not only because I would hopefully get my name circulating in another area, but because I set out with the plan to use acrylic paint. I avoided it for so long, but it was time to learn something new.

It turned out I loved the painting so much I couldn't part with it. I did another painting at the last moment to donate to the art show, and kept my new one because I did not know I could create something so beautiful to me out of something I had once found so ugly. Ever since that experience I have fallen more and more in love with acrylics. So in February 2009, when the applications for Ogden Pioneer Days horses began appearing again, I took the opportunity.

By the middle of May, I figured I would not be chosen because I had heard nothing from the committee about my application. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted "painting a life-size horse" to be one of my new experiences for the year. It also would be great exposure for my artistic skill. But at least I turned in an application this year. Then at the end of May, I received a call asking if I would paint one.

When I looked at the date I started painting and the date I finished, it came to exactly sixteen days. That's not a great deal of time to paint anything, especially when it's a horse. At least this one didn't move. When I look at the amount of work I put into this, I realize I wouldn't have been able to do this a year ago, even in twice the amount of time. It took that time to learn to use and appreciate a new medium and realize I can use these tubes of paint just as well as I use any other.

The horse is on display in front of Ogden Blue on 175 Historic 25th Street. She is called "Ben Lomond Blue" as the mountain is the focus of my design. I consider this one of my greatest artistic achievements and it never would have been possible if I held onto my prior attitude. I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to paint this horse. Even with such a short time frame, it was worth all the effort.